Christian Marriage HQ

The phrase teamwork has been used a lot, to encourage collaboration amongst a group of people.  However, the greatest team you will ever be on, is your spouse’s.  When the two of you agree everything else will fall in place or be replaced.  When a couple operates as a team, it will illuminate the feeling of “us against the world.”  There is no thing or anyone that can hinder the goals you two have set for your marriage.  But what about when the unspeakable happens?  When the two of you are no longer operating as a team. What happens when you are married to someone you no longer feel connected too? 

Anyone who has been married for longer than a year, has experienced the unspeakable, the “why did I marry you?” moment.  There are many ways people deal with this thought.  Some people respond by getting a divorce, they believe, “life is short” move on.  Some people respond by having an affair, they believe it will make them operate better in their marriage, because they found a way to be “happy.”  Some people respond by remaining faithful to their marriage regardless of how it looks. These people believe in the vows they made, and they understand that marriage is not about our spouse making us “happy.” 

Whether a marriage ends physically with divorce, mentally with infidelity, or spiritually through lost of hope, the two individuals have become focused on themselves.  They have forgotten that there is no “I” in team.  So, what do we do when the unspeakable happens?  When we are married, but we lost the “why” we are married.  Regardless of how long you have been married, we have all experienced the unspeakable.  How can we get through this period of our marriage in a way that glorifies God and builds our team?  Here are a few tips I personally use when my marriage needs encouragement. 

1. Walk Down Memory Lane– People change but our memories do not.  Think back to the time when you felt the closet to your spouse.  Think about the moments you have shared with just them that brought a smile to your face.  It is important to remember those moments.  Our memories will carry us through the roughest moments.  Share a few good memories with your children.  This is important because you will not always feel like walking down memory lane.  It is during those times; God can use your children to encourage you as they recall a memory you shared with them. 
2. Fact Over Feelings– When I was a child, my dad would often say, “It’s not about how you feel.” “Love is not about our feelings.” “Love is an action word.”  Do not allow yourself to focus on how you are feeling in the moment.  Most often once we have calmed down the things we thought, did, or said we would not do in a calming environment.  Remind yourself that regardless of what it feels like your spouse chose you!  He/she made a conscious decision to share their life with you.  Remind yourself that the grass would not be greener anywhere else.  The fact is the world is full of imperfect people, and we are bound to have problems in our marriage.  If we end this marriage, we are still going to have to deal with issues in our next one. 
3. Trust God– When you do not know what else to do or say, trust God.  When you believe you have nothing else to give, trust God.  Remember that your spouse is having the same thought about you. Yes, you!  There are things about you that your spouse finds unbearable.  God is our ultimate example of love. God is love; without Him we would not know how to love our spouse.  Try mediating on God’s word about love, read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.

Christian Marriage HQ Challenge:  Marriage is not easy, but it is worth it!  Our vows did not say for better and better, for richer or richer, for health or health.  We signed up for better or for worst, richer or poorer, sickness and health.  If your marriage needs some encouragement, consider the three tips listed in the article. 

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What makes a good marriage?  How do we know when we have a good

marriage?  Is a good marriage easy to spot?  Does the length of a marriage make it a “good” marriage?  Most people enter marriage with the desire to live out the vows they recited on their special day.  Shortly after the wedding, couples begin to realize that the vows are needed not for the lovey moments, but for the trying times.  We soon find out more about ourselves then we could have ever discovered without marriage.  I recently read a quote by Gary and Betsy Ricucci, it said, “One of the best wedding gifts God gave you was a full-length mirror called your spouse.  Had there been a card attached it would have said, “Here’s to helping you discover what you’re really like!”” 

Marriage opens our eyes to things that we love about life and people, as well as the things we dislike about life and people.  Our spouse knows us in a more intimate way.  They know exactly what areas we need to grow in and what areas we excel in.  This is partly why marriage can be so challenging.  There is always someone, albeit unintentional, causing us to come face to face with our flaws.  Most couples allow their differences to divide them.  Each spouse will generally become bothered by all the things their spouse is doing wrong.  However, the interesting thing about our differences is that they typically complement our spouse’s differences.  The areas we are strong in, our spouse is typically weaker, and the areas we are weak in, our spouse is typically stronger in.  Our spouse is like a missing puzzle piece of us, and when we combine our strengths and weaknesses, we are complete. 

What if we decided to view our spouse’s annoyances as an opportunity to bring us together, as we utilize our strengths.  I once heard a minister say, “If something bothers us, it is because we are supposed to do something about it.”  God would not bother your spirit about an issue someone else needs to address.  He can communicate with anyone and everyone.  Could it be that the things that bother us about our spouse are things we could easily settle ourselves?  For example, if he always leaves the toilet seat up, we could become frustrated and remind him every time.  Or we could take two seconds and lower the toilet seat ourselves.  If she does not wash clothes as often as you would like it done, you could complain, or you could put a load in yourself. 

Marriage is the union of two people who were raised a different way.  We can either become frustrated by our differences, or we can see them as a way we complement each other.     So, what makes a good marriage?  How do we know when we have a good marriage?  Is a good marriage easy to spot?  Does the length of a marriage make it a “good” marriage?  There is a simple answer to all the question listed above.  A good marriage is the union of two people who realize they are different, and because of those differences, they need each other to be complete.  Marriage puts our flaws on display, but we are reminded in 1 Peter 4:8 that love covers a multitude of sins (flaws).  We can decide to either cover our spouse’s flaws by utilizing our strengths, or we can point out their flaws every time. 

Christian Marriage HQ Challenge:  What if we started to view our spouse’s annoyances as a way, we complement each other.  How do you complement your spouse? 

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