Marriage is beautiful. The coming together of two individuals, and the joining of two unfamiliar families. The hope of following God’s command in Genesis 1:28 to “be fruitful and multiply.” Most people would agree weddings are wonderful and full of joy. I once heard a minister say, “When two people get married, they spend the first 6 months wishing they could eat each other up. And they spend the next 6 months, wishing they had eaten their spouse up.” What changed occurred from the first 6 months? Those who are married or have been married can relate to this joke. In the beginning marriage is exciting. The thought of sharing your life with one person, and the excitement of planning the wedding.
After some time, reality sets in. Although in God’s eyes we are one immediately, we quickly realize we are still two separate individuals. Each person with their own preferences on how things should get done. As time goes on and life happens, we develop a routine. Although the routine is amazingly effective, it makes our lives very mundane. The “spark” begins to fade or only appears occasionally. I believe that we can reignite the excitement we once had for one another. I do not believe God would have us commit to being with one person forever and give us little hope of enjoying one another. Forever is a long time, but it does not have to be painful.
Do you remember the goals you and your spouse had for your marriage? How many of them have you accomplished? How many are you maintaining to this day? Marriage is not magic. It is something that requires work, just like anything else. If we went to the gym and never lifted a weight or used the cardio equipment, we would not expect to lose weight. Well, if you are married but you do not spend time together, how can you expect to grow together? We must be intentional about having the kind of marriage that is more than bearable. Our mindset should always be on putting our spouse first. If your husband puts you first, and you put him first, then no one is left out and everyone’s needs are met. How will your spouse know what you need? Here are a few tips to help you and your spouse Reclaim Your Marital Vision.
- Update or Create a Vision for your Marriage– It is important for you and your spouse to communicate to one another the kind of marriage you both want to have. For example, it may be important to him that he is able to still spend time with his friends on a particular day. And it may be important to her that she is able to have some alone time for a little while each week. They could schedule their needs during the same time or if they have kids, maybe he can watch them once he is back home. Another example maybe he would like to have intimacy a certain amount of time weekly. She may want to spend time with him without it being physical often. The two of them can talk it over and come up with a plan that works for them. When there is a plan for your marriage, no one’s needs must go unmet.
- Check in with your spouse– Occasionally ask your spouse if there is anything they would like you to do more of. Or the two of you can set up a day each week, month, year (whatever you think is best for your marriage) to sit down and reevaluate the quality of your marriage. Checking in with one another can help to eliminate any frustration from building. Checking in with one another also allows a spouse who is less vocal to share their concerns upon being prompted.
- Listen to your spouse– People’s needs change. Listen to what your spouse is complaining about or frequently frustrated by, and if possible, help them in that area. For example, if he needs help organizing something, surprise him and do it for him. Even if you are not the best at organizing, this is action will be appreciated. If she wants to lose weight, offer to workout with her or eat healthier with her. There are only positive outcomes for getting healthy. It will encourage her and make you even healthier!
Marriage can be amazing if we have a vision for it! When was the last time you and your spouse talked about the quality of your marriage? When was the last time you put your spouse first? Let us experience a better quality of marriage in 2021!
CMHQ Challenge: Set aside at least 10 minutes this evening to update or create a vision for your marriage.
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