The phrase teamwork has been used a lot, to encourage collaboration amongst a group of people. However, the greatest team you will ever be on, is your spouse’s. When the two of you agree everything else will fall in place or be replaced. When a couple operates as a team, it will illuminate the feeling of “us against the world.” There is no thing or anyone that can hinder the goals you two have set for your marriage. But what about when the unspeakable happens? When the two of you are no longer operating as a team. What happens when you are married to someone you no longer feel connected too?
Anyone who has been married for longer than a year, has experienced the unspeakable, the “why did I marry you?” moment. There are many ways people deal with this thought. Some people respond by getting a divorce, they believe, “life is short” move on. Some people respond by having an affair, they believe it will make them operate better in their marriage, because they found a way to be “happy.” Some people respond by remaining faithful to their marriage regardless of how it looks. These people believe in the vows they made, and they understand that marriage is not about our spouse making us “happy.”
Whether a marriage ends physically with divorce, mentally with infidelity, or spiritually through lost of hope, the two individuals have become focused on themselves. They have forgotten that there is no “I” in team. So, what do we do when the unspeakable happens? When we are married, but we lost the “why” we are married. Regardless of how long you have been married, we have all experienced the unspeakable. How can we get through this period of our marriage in a way that glorifies God and builds our team? Here are a few tips I personally use when my marriage needs encouragement.
- Walk Down Memory Lane– People change but our memories do not. Think back to the time when you felt the closet to your spouse. Think about the moments you have shared with just them that brought a smile to your face. It is important to remember those moments. Our memories will carry us through the roughest moments. Share a few good memories with your children. This is important because you will not always feel like walking down memory lane. It is during those times; God can use your children to encourage you as they recall a memory you shared with them.
- Fact Over Feelings– When I was a child, my dad would often say, “It’s not about how you feel.” “Love is not about our feelings.” “Love is an action word.” Do not allow yourself to focus on how you are feeling in the moment. Most often once we have calmed down the things we thought, did, or said we would not do in a calming environment. Remind yourself that regardless of what it feels like your spouse chose you! He/she made a conscious decision to share their life with you. Remind yourself that the grass would not be greener anywhere else. The fact is the world is full of imperfect people, and we are bound to have problems in our marriage. If we end this marriage, we are still going to have to deal with issues in our next one.
- Trust God– When you do not know what else to do or say, trust God. When you believe you have nothing else to give, trust God. Remember that your spouse is having the same thought about you. Yes, you! There are things about you that your spouse finds unbearable. God is our ultimate example of love. God is love; without Him we would not know how to love our spouse. Try mediating on God’s word about love, read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.
Christian Marriage HQ Challenge: Marriage is not easy, but it is worth it! Our vows did not say for better and better, for richer or richer, for health or health. We signed up for better or for worst, richer or poorer, sickness and health. If your marriage needs some encouragement, consider the three tips listed in the article.
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